Nothing to Fear: Demystifying Death to Live More Fully by Julie McFaddenMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
4.5 rounded to 5 stars - This was a Nana's book club selection and it took several weeks to get it off reserve, but it was a quick read once I did. It is one of eight books on the End of Life GR bookshelf that I have read, and the only thing you should read into that is that I find the subject of our humanity interesting. When I was much younger, midwives and birthing were the topics, and now death and dying hold a little more interest.
Our society has stigmatized the topic of death. We don't routinely care for our dying ourselves, often sticking them in a hospital to die, too many times, by themselves. But those are not good deaths. The author spent many years as an ICU nurse and watched families agree to procedures and extraordinary measures that, while prolonging the outcome, did not change the fact that their loved one was dying. In the ICU, the rule was life at any cost, and often families didn't realize the futility and pain involved.
She had a life changing moment when she suggested a family conference for one patient, and when the family fully understood the situation, their choices changed. Shortly after, she left the ICU to become a hospice nurse.
The fact is, we all die. We can't change that. But to some extent, we can choose how we die. Hospice facilitates those choices. Will we die at home, or in a hospice center, surrounded by loved ones, having said the things we need to say, shared memories and made plans, and kept comfortable? Or will we die in a hospital, pumped full with liquids our bodies can no longer process, and medications that are really doing anything for our quality of life?
The book is gentle, and while the language may seem too simplistic - sometimes the advice is repeated several places, it is written in a way that allows people to process it, even people who are overwhelmed or grieving. She tells patients and loved ones - this is your end of life journey, what do you want it to look like.
Some of the topics covered in the book include: what does death entail - there is a process our body will go through, sometimes starting weeks or months before we die; what interventions help (pain medication, etc.), and which do not (forcing food and water); what are the most important things a caregiver needs to do for their loved one (keep them clean, safe and comfortable); how to let things go; how to ask for and get help; what hospice can do to help - and what it can't do; and advice for the dying and their caregivers.
This is a book that should live in every home. Read it now, before the time is upon you, read it when you are in the process, and read it again, for the advice on grieving.
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