Today was first day of compressed work week, which I swear I am doing this summer - no Fridays! We started out early and went to the Public Market because it was Flower City Days, and I wanted to look for some more heirloom tomatoes, but it was cold and rainy when we got there, and very few vendors. Fail. Stopped at Sam's and picked up some things. Then we came back, and dropped eggs off to Laura, and checked on whether my textbook for the class arrived yet. Nope, fail again. But things looked up from there. Good visit with Vinay, where I got all my questions answered (No, yes, no, walking -gradually building up as tolerance grows; we think so - but we'll continue to monitor to be sure; stress test with echo; maybe; NO; changing lifestyle; didn't ask). We also talked about my discomfort with the URMC practice, and he recommended that I try someone else (Mishra) instead. He changed my script from the two I was on, to one different one which should do both. I left feeling like "here was a plan, someone would be monitoring me, and things might be looking up". In fact, I felt better than I had in several weeks, so some of it must be due to a more positive outlook.
Lunch with John at the Boardwalk, I ordered a side salad and a turkey/cranberry wrap. It was really good. Some quiet time at home with John in the afternoon, including a nap, and then stopped by my sister's before picking up my new medication. Finally, we stopped at Old Mill Run and ate dinner, where I had (don't faint) a chicken salad and a side of mac-n-cheese. Of course, I really didn't eat much of the chicken salad because I was pretty full after the mac-n-cheese, but the meal was very good, and we will definitely be back.
All in all, a very good day, and mentally, I'm feeling fine!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Fun with the grandsons
Saturday, John and I worked at BLAM, a free faith-based youth event for grades 6-12, and invited Aeddon and Alden to come out to it. I didn't think they would come, with the whole faith part, but the words LAZER tag sealed the deal. We ran a GeoCaching site, and the boys went to the various options that included GeoCaching, Mini Golf, Crafts (Aeddon skipped that), LAZER Tag and a bounce house obstacle course. They had a surprisingly good time, didn't burst in to flames when the youth pastor talked about Jesus for 20 minutes, and (Aeddon) actually said "thanks for taking us, and convincing mom and dad to let us go." The time we have available to make these special memories pass quicker and quicker as they age, and become understandably less interesting in hanging with the old folks, so days like today - what a gift!
To top it off, we decided to go to the drive-in for a record setting 2x in one weekend, and mentioned it to the boys when we were taking them home. Aeddon wanted to see Star Trek, Alden wanted to see Iron Man 3. Since Star Trek was on the agenda for last night, Aeddon went with us, and we were treated to several hours in his company. Normally quiet and slightly withdrawn on the increasingly rare occasions he's here after school, he was gregarious and companionable, and I saw glimpses of the little boy he once was, and the man he will become.
To top it off, we decided to go to the drive-in for a record setting 2x in one weekend, and mentioned it to the boys when we were taking them home. Aeddon wanted to see Star Trek, Alden wanted to see Iron Man 3. Since Star Trek was on the agenda for last night, Aeddon went with us, and we were treated to several hours in his company. Normally quiet and slightly withdrawn on the increasingly rare occasions he's here after school, he was gregarious and companionable, and I saw glimpses of the little boy he once was, and the man he will become.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Day 2 post diagnosis
I'm just beginning to really process the news, and start wondering where I go from here. When John was diagnosed with diabetes, they sent us to 15 hours of classes. I could use some class time now, to learn about this. I think I will develop a list of questions I need answers to, and maybe email Vinay to see if he would be willing to set down with us and discuss them.
- Is this something I will die from?
- Is it something I will have to deal with the rest of my life?
- Is it something I can cure (?) with good behavior?
- What type of exercise is appropriate?
- Is this a definitive diagnosis, or possibly the start of another medical merry-go-round?
- What were the test results that firmly informed this diagnosis?
- Could it be something else?
- Is there any chance at all that this could turn out to be Constrictive Pericarditis?
- What does this mean for my life going forward?
- How much is actually known about this disease?
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
It's been a day
Yesterday, I went back to the cardiologist for my 2nd stress test. This one I actually made it all the way to the 6 minute mark. He tells me I likely don't have a blockage, so it's unlikely I'll have a heart attack anytime soon. Good thing. The not as "good thing" is that I have high blood pressure and diastolic heart failure. See Diastolic Heart Failure at WebMD for some basic information. I am on a low salt diet, 2 diuretics, and a weigh myself and take my blood pressure daily regime. Also, lose weight and exercise more, of course. I'm not 100% sure what the prognosis is, right now I'm just trying to wrap my head around the diagnosis and wondering whether it is correct, or whether this could be the beginning of another medical roller coaster ride, where we see specialist after specialist and try to get a correct diagnosis, like we did for John 10 years ago. Enough about this for now.
I had a difficult conversation with my boss yesterday. Difficult because I didn't know how to broach the subject, and it was a very emotional subject (see above), but one that I desperately needed to have. So I sent Bob an email and said, "Come see me in my office when you have a few minutes." He looked a little surprised when I told him to come in, shut the door and have a seat, and then prefaced the conversation with "this is a difficult conversation for me to have, so I wanted to do it in my office, not yours." Bob (looking confused): OK. Me: Bob, you are for the most part a great boss, but right now I need you to be a little more (did I say hands on? involved?) with me. For example, when I go into your office and ask you if I look okay, healthwise, you should ask why. And why I tell you I am having a stress test, I need you to ask me about it. Bob: Have you ever had a stress test? Me: Yes, about a month ago, and I mentioned it to you then. I am having another one this afternoon. Bob: OK.... and so we talked, about my concerns, about his "cardiac event", about the fact that he is a little desensitized to mentions of stress tests because he has them fairly frequently. Anyway, when he left 10-15 minutes later, I felt a little better, like I'd be less likely to (okay, maybe I'm being a drama queen here) die in my office and no one would notice. And today, first thing, Bob came in and asked me how it went. Hurrah.
Other conversations of the day. I met with Frank this morning. I had met with him 2 years ago to discuss whether an MLS degree or an MBA would serve me better. He didn't hesitate to say the MBA. And here I am 2 years later at another crossroads. Do I double up on my courses to finish my degree in one year, or keep at this pace at finish in 2? I do not know. I can see pros and cons for both. Doing it in one year, gets it over quicker, but costs more money and is more work and is more stressful. But, in theory, it opens more opportunities to me, as well. What I really hoped to accomplish from this meeting was really to get on Frank's radar when opportunities arose, and plant some seeds that might produce a cash crop in the future. I felt like I accomplished those things.
I also spoke with Pat today. After talking Digital Commons for a bit, we talked about Bob as a boss (I shared with her my conversation from yesterday), and the frustrations of being a professional in the library - no career track, etc. I feel like I work in a superstar department, and Pat is a fabulous example of it. It was really good just to be able to talk to someone who was facing many of the same issues I am, and get her perspective on it.
One last tidbit. A few days ago, I took a photo of the new SMART board, with students using it, and posted it to Facebook. Almost immediately, Logan responded by email. I didn't open it, expecting it to be some criticism. Today, I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to open it, what they heck - right?
"Great photo- thanks!" OK, I felt pretty silly about that one. :-)
I had a difficult conversation with my boss yesterday. Difficult because I didn't know how to broach the subject, and it was a very emotional subject (see above), but one that I desperately needed to have. So I sent Bob an email and said, "Come see me in my office when you have a few minutes." He looked a little surprised when I told him to come in, shut the door and have a seat, and then prefaced the conversation with "this is a difficult conversation for me to have, so I wanted to do it in my office, not yours." Bob (looking confused): OK. Me: Bob, you are for the most part a great boss, but right now I need you to be a little more (did I say hands on? involved?) with me. For example, when I go into your office and ask you if I look okay, healthwise, you should ask why. And why I tell you I am having a stress test, I need you to ask me about it. Bob: Have you ever had a stress test? Me: Yes, about a month ago, and I mentioned it to you then. I am having another one this afternoon. Bob: OK.... and so we talked, about my concerns, about his "cardiac event", about the fact that he is a little desensitized to mentions of stress tests because he has them fairly frequently. Anyway, when he left 10-15 minutes later, I felt a little better, like I'd be less likely to (okay, maybe I'm being a drama queen here) die in my office and no one would notice. And today, first thing, Bob came in and asked me how it went. Hurrah.
Other conversations of the day. I met with Frank this morning. I had met with him 2 years ago to discuss whether an MLS degree or an MBA would serve me better. He didn't hesitate to say the MBA. And here I am 2 years later at another crossroads. Do I double up on my courses to finish my degree in one year, or keep at this pace at finish in 2? I do not know. I can see pros and cons for both. Doing it in one year, gets it over quicker, but costs more money and is more work and is more stressful. But, in theory, it opens more opportunities to me, as well. What I really hoped to accomplish from this meeting was really to get on Frank's radar when opportunities arose, and plant some seeds that might produce a cash crop in the future. I felt like I accomplished those things.
I also spoke with Pat today. After talking Digital Commons for a bit, we talked about Bob as a boss (I shared with her my conversation from yesterday), and the frustrations of being a professional in the library - no career track, etc. I feel like I work in a superstar department, and Pat is a fabulous example of it. It was really good just to be able to talk to someone who was facing many of the same issues I am, and get her perspective on it.One last tidbit. A few days ago, I took a photo of the new SMART board, with students using it, and posted it to Facebook. Almost immediately, Logan responded by email. I didn't open it, expecting it to be some criticism. Today, I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to open it, what they heck - right?
"Great photo- thanks!" OK, I felt pretty silly about that one. :-)
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Feeling restless
Now that the Spring 2013 semester is behind me, I can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. 5 more classes! Cases in Tech Management, Strategic Planning, Management Information Systems are my 3 required classes, and then I have 2 more to complete my concentration, which is Business Management. I'm leaning towards an Empire State class in Change Management and possibly an internship. Right now I feel at loose ends, trying to decide whether to take the last five classes at my leisure (meaning 1 per trimester), in which case we are looking at a completion date of May 2015, or doubling up and having it done in one year.
The pros for continuing at the same pace are less stress and less costly. The pros for doubling up are getting it out of the way sooner, and possibly being able to get a better paying job. That is the big unknown. I wish that I had some idea whether this is going to pay off economically for me. And, if it will require me to leave the college to reap the benefits.
I am going to meet with Frank next week to try and get his take on this. I'm not sure he'll be able to tell me anything, but he's willing to talk to me, so I'm going to do it. If I decide to speed the process up, there are several things I need to do next week:
The pros for continuing at the same pace are less stress and less costly. The pros for doubling up are getting it out of the way sooner, and possibly being able to get a better paying job. That is the big unknown. I wish that I had some idea whether this is going to pay off economically for me. And, if it will require me to leave the college to reap the benefits.
I am going to meet with Frank next week to try and get his take on this. I'm not sure he'll be able to tell me anything, but he's willing to talk to me, so I'm going to do it. If I decide to speed the process up, there are several things I need to do next week:
- Contact Excelsior to get a transcript sent to Empire State College, so I can take a second course this summer (Change Management).
- Fill out the petition to be able to take this second course (from another school), and get it approved.
- Get enrolled in the Empire course and get textbooks, etc.
- Pay the bill!
- I also need to decide whether I am going to try and do an internship, and if so, where. My initial thought was to do it in Institutional Research, but now I'm wondering if I could do it for the IEL building the faculty database.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Feeling good, feeling bad.
Home from our weekend getaway. It was so nice to spend some down time with John. We went to the Lake Erie Wine and Cheese wine trail event. I took Friday off, so we did half the wineries then, and finished up on Saturday. So for the most part, we beat the crowds.
Healthwise - I felt good for much of the week, in fact I thought that perhaps the problem had resolved itself. Sadly, today the "bad" feeling is back with a vengeance. I can't even really describe what the actual problem is, just a sense of unwellness? Incredible exhaustion. I don't know. John pointed out that this seemed to be triggered by the contentious (my words, not his) discussion we had on the way home, when I suggested that perhaps he was feeling well enough now to consider looking for a job.
When we got home, I emptied suitcases, and did the laundry. Then I laid down and took a nap (at 10AM), and when I woke up I could hear him outside working on removing the rock garden in the front. I went up to help him, and after 10 minutes he looked at me and told me to go in, I looked terrible. I feel weak and exhausted.
Healthwise - I felt good for much of the week, in fact I thought that perhaps the problem had resolved itself. Sadly, today the "bad" feeling is back with a vengeance. I can't even really describe what the actual problem is, just a sense of unwellness? Incredible exhaustion. I don't know. John pointed out that this seemed to be triggered by the contentious (my words, not his) discussion we had on the way home, when I suggested that perhaps he was feeling well enough now to consider looking for a job.
When we got home, I emptied suitcases, and did the laundry. Then I laid down and took a nap (at 10AM), and when I woke up I could hear him outside working on removing the rock garden in the front. I went up to help him, and after 10 minutes he looked at me and told me to go in, I looked terrible. I feel weak and exhausted.
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