How do you measure your life?

They said it couldn't be done. They, being some of the males in my family, and "couldn't be done" meaning me, being happy in retirement. I was sure they were wrong. Now, I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's COVID, that really was a game changer for many people. All I know is that there is a deep restlessness within me. Not that I don't appreciate the things I have, my health, a happy marriage, a wonderful family, a good home. I do, but sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting to die. Every day is much like the one before it.

I've been thinking about how I measured my life in the past. As a child, I remember saying "I'm going to be (another year older) this year, starting in January. When you're born in December, it's only a month or less, until you can say that. As a young adult, I measured time by the birth and growth of my children. Later, it was how many years I had been at a job, or how close I was to this degree or that one, or some Digital Commons milestone. I was a big believer in whiteboards to track my goals. Now my whiteboard contains the ongoing grocery list and what's in the freezer. More recently, I measured how many days until I retired, then what was left to do to get the house ready to sell and move to Tennessee. I think my last pre-COVID measure was how long until we left for Hawai'i.

So what did I hope to accomplish when I retired? My husband will tell you that those two words do not belong in the same sentence (Accomplish/Retired), but we'll just have to agree to disagree there. I know I wanted to read more, see the state parks in Tennessee and the national parks in the United States, geocache, travel, and volunteer. Before COVID, I had done some of most of those things (no national parks, though). Now, I read. Thirty books this month. Don't get me wrong, I love to read, but there has to be more, doesn't there?

How about you, my friends - do you struggle to live the new life, or are you managing better than I am? I truly hope so.